the nightfall came so fast
that i didn't have time
to say farewell to the sun

the dawn came so fast
that there was no time
to say farewell to the moon

the childhood went so fast
that i forgot to say goodbye
to the sandbox in the playground

come and sit
listen
to this tragic story
of the teabag and the tea
for they were a perfect couple
who lived and died together
in each other's arms
teabag the protector
handsomely white
dried tea leaves
queen of tea and tea's myth
they traveled through dreams
within all the spaces and time
that exist in the tea box
he told her the story of the sea
of the white sand beach
of the glass clear water
of the warm sunlight
how he got dried
how he felt the breeze from the sea
she told him the story of the mountain
of the peaceful morning mist
of the sweet refreshing rain drops
of the nice scent of humid soil
how she grown up
how she absorb the spirit of the earth
soon they left the tea box
elegantly, hand in hand
and danced together in the tea cup
hot water swirl them around
he was holding her tight
she was coloring the dance floor with her smile
she sent around the happiness
through his tender embraces
he was so close to her than ever
she was so close to him than ever
eventually the music stop
and they were not dancing anymore
the tea and the teabag
left the cup silently
he was no more handsomely white
she was no more tastefully dry
he tells no more story
she tells no more story
all they left to the world behind
was a cup of wonderful tea

Do not stand at my grave and weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Mary Frye (1932)

Statement by Harry S. Truman Announcing the Use of the A-Bomb at Hiroshima

August 6, 1945

SIXTEEN HOURS AGO an American airplane dropped one bomb on Hiroshima, an important Japanese Army base. That bomb had more power than 20,000 tons of T.N.T. It had more than two thousand times the blast power of the British "Grand Slam" which is the largest bomb ever yet used in the history of warfare.

The Japanese began ... (continued in comment)

how can an innocent man become a bad man

a man born innocent and clean
he could become a good man
he could become a bad man
but how can an innocent man become a bad man?
who is guilty?
the fellows?
the maker?
himself?

in the world of millions fellows
all were once innocent and clean
how possible for the perfect cleanness to become contaminated?
when was the first dirt took place?

and for what reasons shall the good maker introduce the badness to his invention?
and for what purposes it would serve?
and from his perfection why such flaw would happened?
or he is indeed not perfect
for if his creation is not perfect
isn't the maker responsible for that?
and if he can't correct it
would he be guilty?

or if he is indeed perfect
and the good and the bad are meant to mixed in harmony
that the badness is indeed compulsory for the existence of the goodness
why badness is considered bad though?

after all
are we being created?
or are we born free out of nothingness?
and how come nothingness is the origin of everything?

it first came to your sight as a golden light
shimmering in the far distance
above from the sky
it is the land of silence
it is the land of lifeless
but of strangely warmth
the warmth you have never felt
the warmth you have never seen
the mystic warmth that lure you into the deepest depth of the icy cave

you can't stop denying
you can't stop believing it could be real
the unreal exists only in your dream
the fantasy is before your eyes

you can't describe
you can't express
you feel useless
you feel weak

the night comforts you
escort you through the dark forest
the clear clean night above
pure and light
you can't escape
you can't deny

you touch it with your heart
you absorb it with your sight
you saw yourself doubtful
you feel confused
you are the victim of your own fantasy

it is all fake
it is all lie
you don't trust it for half a second
you love perfection
you adore the imperfection within

once you thought you saw eternal happiness
now you are in the rotten dessert
you came with bare hands
you now left with a bare bag of bones

House no. 16

You take a walk along the river. It is a huge river and it has a concrete path that goes alongside at its shore. The concrete path is few meters wide. At the rim of the path is the iron fence that protects people from falling into the river. There is a weekend flea market on this concrete path today. Hundreds of small shops line up along this narrow path. There are shops that sell old records, shops that sell old books, shops that sell used stuffs and so on. You happen to be there and you actually have no idea what to buy. You keep walking through the shops until you reach the end of the flea market. The concrete path is not yet ended here but since the market is ended here you think that this is also the end of your walk. You stop walking and turn to the river. You rest your arms on the iron fence and look out at the river and begin to relax. Suddenly you hear a voice so you look around and try to find the source of that voice. Finally you saw talking fish. One of them says "house number 16, Rosemary Street, 6 pm"

-----

You take a walk on a walking path along a small river. The path is narrow and is not much higher above the water in the river. The sound of the river stream comforts you. The water in the river is crystal clear. You can see clearly the stones at the bottom of the river. Most stones are quite small. They have round shape due to the fact that they were moved and shaped by the current of the river since decades. There are stones of fingertip size and big flat stones of palm size. Although you can see such stony river bed clearly, there are also areas of the river where you can't see any stones at all. In those areas you only see dark surfaces instead. You are sure that the water is not dirty so that you can't see through it. Maybe they are huge black stones at those places that you are seeing. Or the water there is very deep so that you can see nothing else but dark area. In the river there are also green water plants. Such water plants look smooth and fragile. Their thin and lengthy leaves wave carelessly to the stream of the river. And when you are looking at a dry leaf which is floating on the surface of the river you then see a fish swimming by. That fish is not bigger than the size of your hand. You walk closer to the river to have a look at that fish.

-----

You sit alone at your reading table in the office. The world is asleep and it is only you alone that are still awake. On the writing table shines a bright reading lamp. Everywhere else is dark and only at your reading table is flooded with light from the lamp. The clock on the table shows half past midnight. The sound of clock tick echoes loudly in the quiet deep night. You feel fatigue from working. You breath is heavy. You feel the weak heartbeats that pump thick blood to every part of your body. Your eyes burn and irritate. When you close your eyes you feel the burning hot skin under eye lids. You rest your eyes from the book that you are reading. You turn your face away form the lamp and gaze around to the dark room. You feel more comfortable when looking at the cold darkness. You gaze aimlessly from the room's wall which is decorated by posters and pictures until you see the bookshelf. Form the bookshelf you look from the first book in the row to the last book at the other end of the shelf. Beside that bookshelf there are also some books lying on the floor. At last your eyes stop at the door which is half opened. At the opened door you see a mystery glowing light from the outside of the room. You want to know what light it is. You stand up and walk to the door. You open the door.

-----

You walk pass the old area in the middle of a small suburb, so old as if you are walking in the memory of your childhood. The suburb does not have modern concrete road. The road is simply a soil road that was packed firmly and it is convenience to walk on. There are a lot of trees around you, so many trees that you feel like walking in a big cave. Not so far from both sides of the road you see small water channels along side with plantation grounds. The water channels are not wider than several meters and they are not very long. The plantation grounds are left uncared. You see bunches of banana trees and a lot of coconut trees. There are dried coconut branches hanging down from the top of the coconut trees. There are some old coconuts lying on the ground and some coconuts fell and float in the water channels. There are several old wooden houses. They are not luxury houses. They are rather cheap houses made for poor people. One of the houses gains your attention so you walk to that house to have a closer look. You are sure that the house is empty and no one is living in it because it looks completely abandoned. The house was built in a simple style. It has high, opened cellar. In the cellar there is a wooden boat for two passengers that was lifted up form water and stored there for probably many years. Beside the boat is a wooden row that is neatly made from good single piece of wood. You like the boat and the row because they are beautiful woodworks that are really hard to find these days. From the cellar is a stair that leads to the upper floor of the house. You walk up the stairs. There are many rooms on the upper part of the house. There is one room that looks like a bedroom and the door of that room is half opened. You look through the opened door and see a closet made of plywood and a small wooden table with some household stuffs on it. The twilight sunray falls softly on the stuffs on that table which looks so mysterious and luring. You become extremely curious. You decide to open the door and enter the room.

-----

You see a strange looking creature standing behind the door. It is smaller than you. Actually it is not taller than your waist. Its body glows with red light just like burning firewood. It has two horns on its head and a long, wagging tail. At the end of the tail is an arrow. Overall it looks like a daemon in a child movie. The creature is looking for something. It doesn't show panic or attention to you when you stare at it. It still walks around behind the door. Few moments later it shows interest to talk to you. It looks up at you, slowly and boldly. It looks into your eyes with its glowing hollow eyes.

It questions you. What is life?

-----

You enter the room. It is actually a living room with an elegant design. There is a big oil painting on the wall. At the corner of the room is a showcase with beautiful glass windows and several beautiful crystal pieces inside. On the other corner of the room there is a big bookshelf. You see philosophy books, encyclopedia all in complete sets arranged neatly on the shelf. In the middle of the room there is a small table surrounded by luxury Victorian sofas. On the table is a whisky glass with some whisky in it. The room is quite and everything in the room is dead still. Only in the huge aquarium there are several pale fish swimming. They are big fish of arm-length size. One of the fish looks quite strange. It seems like that fish is looking at you. You walk closer to the aquarium to have a look at that fish.

-----

You stand in front of the wall and stare at it. The room is dark and gloomy and you can't see much. The wall is empty. It is not clean but simply empty. You stare at it for a long time. You don't think of anything but her. In your head there are no other pictures but hers. You can't leave that thought. You keep thinking about memories of her. You don't like that you can't love her. You feel torment that you can't have her for your own. But you understand that you should not think too much about the relationship between you and her. You don't want to have serious relationship with her and neither does she. You are sure that you don't love her. You don't want to feel sorrow for the one that you don't love. You don't want to love her but you also can’t tell what you exactly want.

You think about several questions. Why are you living? For whom you are fighting for? What is life?

-----

You become an ant. You walk on a wet warm earth surface. Around you are green grass leaves and dry tree leaves. You see a frog. You see big grasshopper with its long, clumsy legs. You can't describe how the face of that grasshopper looks like. But from what you see it is a pitiful creature, with ugly face and ugly smile.

You think of fish that were caught for sale in the fish market. Hundreds of fish were put in a big plastic bowl with so little water. They can’t move freely and they can’t swim. They simply struggling on top of each other and gasping with their little mouths to breath. Actually gasping mouth is the only sign that shows they are still alive. How many fish are still alive in this bowl? How many fish already died? The living ones and dead ones mixed unseperatably. Those that still alive live. Those that died die. But what is the meaning of the struggling in the bowl? If not struggling then perhaps die. If struggling then also die. If struggling then perhaps survive. If not struggling perhaps survive. If to survive then what for? If to die then what for?

You become a water spider. You walk on the surface of a river.

A fish springs over the surface of the river. It opens its mouth. It swallows you.

crazy

The crazy man does believe that there is life somewhere beside lives on the earth. There exist uncountable planets in the universe than one can possibly count them all and that means there should be a good chance to find any traces of alien life somehow. Hence the crazy man started his searching in the night sky.

“RA 5h 32m, Dec 89 degrees 15 arc”

The crazy man reads out the coordinate and adjusts a weird looking receiver that fixed on a mobile tripod.

The crazy man may be crazy but he is not stupid. The crazy man spent a small budget buying necessary parts and built up a radio signal receiver. Of course the crazy man designed that receiver and of course nobody understands how it works, which include the crazy man too. But the crazy man is happy that the receiver was completely built and it seems to operate properly. For the crazy man it’s the best radio signal receiver on earth. The receiver is connected to the signal amplifier and the amplifier is connected to an old, dot-matrix printer. The crazy man refuses to store data on magnetic tape or high capacity hard drive. It’s far more fashionable to print data on papers. Until now lots of data were printed out. The crazy man is extremely happy with the huge paper pile. From now on there will be a lot of work on analyzing the data. Although the crazy man doesn’t has any idea where to start yet.

“RA 2h 7m, Dec 36 degrees 34 arc”

The crazy man reads out the coordinate and frown, and then adjusts the receiver according to that coordinate.

The normal cow looks at the crazy man from the middle of the field. The normal cow doesn’t understand how interesting it is to listen to the beep sounds from such weird looking receiver. The worst thing, as the normal cow has notice, is why a normal cow should pay any attentions about this crazy man at first place. Maybe because few days ago there was a weird looking guy fed the normal cow with weird tasting grass and after that the normal cow started to think about things that are not quite normal for a normal cow at all like the improvement of the grass’s taste, the green chlorophyll in the grass leafs or something simple like keeping grass for winter. The normal cow is quite sure that the normal cow never thought about these things before, never ever.

“RA 6h 19m, Dec 79 degrees 11 arc”

The crazy man reads out the coordinate and quickly adjusts the receiver again.

There is also a mad cow in the field. It’s not the same cow as the normal cow that still looking at the crazy man. The mad cow was once a normal cow. Few days ago there were people from another town came to see the mad cow and took some photos of the mad cow. The mad cow was amazed by that flashing light from the camera and stayed transfixed from midday until midnight at the railway where people from another town have left. But after that the mad cow lives and eats grass as usual. However today the noon’s temperature was so high and the cruel sunlight was hot enough to turn the ex-normal cow into a perfect mad cow that doesn’t care about eating grass or type of grasses or things like aliens.

“RA 4h 19m, Dec 79 degrees +12 to +18”

The crazy man reads out the coordinate again. This time also crazily swings the receiver in hands.

The mad cow can’t stand the noise of the crazy man so it runs out and knock the receiver down into pieces.

And within five seconds the crazy man will turn to see the receiver and the crazy man will be shocked to see how the receiver got destroyed by the mad cow.

And four hours later the cow owner will wake up to milk his cows. The cow owner is going to buy a new color television and a new receiver as a replacement to the old, broken one.

And forty-eight hours ago a green alien just came by at the cow farm and gave some experiment foods to a normal cow. The alien was surprised to see so much change on earth since the last visit, in which last time they gave some experiment foods to a group of stupid ape that were climbing on trees in a forest in Africa.

the eyes

You approach her with a stupid question and continue with a weird conversation. Actually you want to make some clever conversations but there is no time to think about something clever. It seems like the best moment to catch her attention would disappear as quick as a butterfly flipping its wings. She might also think that you are weird asking her these nonsense questions and in such case she is not completely wrong though. However she is talking to you now.

She says that she is not a local people as you have guessed. She is also a foreign tourist just like you. It’s not new to her that you have falsely guessed her nationality. People always failed to guess her nationality even when she was in her own homeland.

You try to get her into further conversation. You like the way that she talks. She is not a kind of person who talks with raised pitch or rushing the conversation. She talks like a kind storyteller who is telling tales to the kids, slow and sweet. It’s a pleasant listening to her voice.

She holds a small traveler’s guidebook in her hands. You like the way she use several fingers to mark interesting pages of the book. You usually did that when you read books too. From the guidebook she tries to show you the photo of places she has been and the places she plans to visit today. You pretend that you cannot see the book clearly so that you can move closer to her. Actually you want to go even closer but you don’t. You don’t ask her much about that book. You want her to keep reading that book so that you can steal a glimpse on her face. You feel excited when looking at her from this close distance, when you watch her beautiful eyelash and her pretty eyes. Or when she looks at you there is also a charming smile on her face. But perhaps such smile is your own illusion. Perhaps she has done nothing more than a look and you are being too optimistic about her smiling at you.

One thing that is strange but you like it so much is when she takes a stroll with you. Somewhere in the middle of her talk, or while she answers your weird questions, she would stops walking abruptly. And when you stop too she would then turn toward you and talk as if she wants you to pay high attention to her words. Once she finish those words you would give her a nod and smile at her so that she would not turn back and resume walking too soon and that you would stand face to her longer. Such a moment when she stops walking and turn toward you, such a beautiful moment that you wish the clock stop walking and pause you in that instant for some years.

sister's interview

I felt like writing something so I interviewed my sister who was walking around the house. It was a hot summer day and I was on my summer holiday at home.

“Tell me the most interesting story of the day”
“You eat and sleep”
“Just that?”
“and you wake up and you eat”
“No more?”
“And you ask me what are we gonna eat today”

For this, I was laughing.

“...and I will sleep and you will eat” added my sister.

At this moment my sister went to the sofa and prepared for a nap, so I squeezed out the last comment from her.

“In short, your life is all about eating and sleeping”

p.s. it took me 3 minutes to write this but it took us 5 minutes to laugh while reading it.

He wishes for the cloths of heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.

--William Butler Yeats

verse

When the birds coo
and the sky is blue
It may be spring

When the forest is green
and there blows the warm wind
It may be summer

When every moment is so fine
and thinking of someone make you smile
It may be love

walker

You walk alone on a small street. It’s late in the night and the sky is already dark. The surrounding atmosphere is cold and foggy. You look at your watch; it is several minutes before midnight. Unlike in a big city, this is a small village so it’s normal that there is no one else walking on the street at this time of the day. The street is dead silent. You can hear your own footsteps clearly when you walk and if you stop walking there would be no other sounds to be heard.

There is dim light from the streetlamps, so dim that it just enough to let you see the path. Luckily there is the full moon in the sky tonight. The gentle moonlight falls on every object under the sky and it allows you to see more of the street and the large corn fields nearby. Anyway there is nothing much to be seen in those boundless corn fields, just the vastly large areas covered by corn plantation.

Now you reach the end of the street. You stop and take a look at the streetlight. It’s the last streetlight that stands at the end of the street. With its light you can see clearly millions of dew drops that are slowly showering down from the night sky. You like staring at such dim streetlight in the night. You think the streetlight that stands alone within the empty darkness is rather lonely. But doesn’t matter how lonely it is, the lonely streetlight still illuminates and spreads its warm to the dark surrounding, drives away the coldness and fear. It does so as if it is a giver who never asks for any benefits back. When it shines people around use the light and pays neither attention nor care to it. Only when the light dies away people would realize what used to be there and understand the importance of the thing that is missing. Yet the streetlight never request for any attentions. All it does is only to drives away the darkness until the last moment of its life.

At the end of the street is a forest. Now you have to walk through the forest to reach the other side of the town. At the entrance of the forest stands a big stone with a size of four meter height. The big stone looked similar to some kind of living life form. Actually it looked like a giant human. You think about the tales from the Scandinavian people, tales about the giants that live in the deep forest. Such legendary giants are known as troll. People said that trolls live in the deep forest and they are moody creature and can be very aggressive. They said troll eats wild animals and sometime even villagers as food. Some said that troll can be killed if its name is discovered and spoken out. Some said that if troll meets sunlight it will turned into stone. You think that maybe this stone at the entrance of the forest is actually a troll that unfortunately met the sunlight and turned into stone, unable to move forever.

Although it’s late and dark, you walk into the forest without any hesitations. There is no lamp in the forest and the dense trees make the forest surrounding look darker than the street that you just left behind. It takes a while before your eyes get use to the darkness and that you can see the night scene around you. You don’t have fear to get lost. You know the ways in this forest quite well because you often came here in the daytime. You know which way is the quickest way to reach the other side of the forest and you are now walking on that way.

You like this forest. It is well preserved and it’s rich of nature. One can feel the pleasant air and the refreshing atmosphere of the perfect nature. You came often to this forest to relax your soul. Sometimes you stay for many hours inside the heart of the forest. It’s simply so peaceful there. The forest hides you away from the chaos of the city. You like taking a stroll under the shadow of big old trees. You like looking up to see the beautiful sun ray that penetrates through the dense layer of the green tree leafs. You like sitting there, breathe in the pure air and the sweet scent of the earth and the nature. You like walking up to the top of the hill to have a look at the far below city. You can’t help worrying that in one day the city will grow and finally invade this forest and there will be no such peaceful place to visit anymore.

You keep walking in the darkness. In the mist you cannot see anything out of several meters distance ahead. In fact you think this is quite exciting. Within this poor vision it’s hard to guess what will confront you out of this odd dimness. Suddenly you hear strange noises from the deep forest, somewhere not far away from the walk path. This howling noise reminds you what people say about the danger in the forest. There are many mysterious tales that you have heard from the people in the village. There is one tale that you can remember clearly. Once there was a poor family of an old mother and two sons. The elder son is diligent but the younger son is lazy and never put his hands on any works. One day the mother become ill so she asked both sons to collect the herbs from the deep forest to cure her. She also said that they must go together and take care of each other because there is a harmful demon in the deep forest. The younger son was lazy and didn’t feel any pity for his mother so he let the elder son traveling alone. The elder son didn’t fear of the danger. He traveled into the deep forest until he found the herbs and collected them. During his way back home it was already dark and foggy and he finally lost his way. While he searched for the way back home he heard a howling voice from the bottom of the cliff. When he listened to it carefully he then knew that it was actually a forest demon crying for help. The demon suffered great pain from its dreadful injury and so it cried out with a horrible shrill. The man decided to help the demon so he climbed down to the bottom of the cliff and spent part of the herbs to cure the demon and also cleaned the demon’s disgusting injury with tender. The demon appreciates the man’s compassion so it gave him a lot of precious treasures and showed the man how to get out of the forest. The man then rushed back home and used the herbs to cure his mother. Once the mother became healthy again she praised her elder son for his courage and she was also glad for him that he came back safely and that he received a lot of treasures from his true kindness. The younger son has heard the entire story and became jealous because he also wanted to receive such treasures too. Therefore that night the younger son went in to the deep forest and there he heard the dreadful scream from the bottom of the cliff. He knew suddenly that it’s the demon whose gave his brother treasures so he quickly went to the bottom of the cliff. But when he found out that the demon is ugly and covered with dreadful injury he then treated the demon unwillingly which actually hurt the demon even more. Even still, the young man finished the treatment and asked for treasures in return. The demon saw that the young man is greedy and didn’t help him with a good will. Therefore the young man was tortured by the demon and he never had a chance to come up from the bottom of the cliff again, ever.

It becomes foggier now. You keep walking under the dim moonlight. Your breath becomes heavier and you feel exhausted. You feel the moist dew drops showering on your face. You tighten your jacket. Put your hands in the jeans pocket to make warm and keep on walking.

a talk

You said it is a foreign literature. It was written by an author who made long journey through remote areas in the hope to find the place called the soul mountain.

Really?

You continued. You said it seems that he decided to make such trip after the doctor falsely concluded that he will die of cancer in a matter of months. He traveled and talked to people along his journey and he exchanged stories with them. He likes telling stories. In his book he usually describe about local tales, ancient songs. There is one song you are reading just now. It’s a song he have heard from the mountain people. You said you can read it out.

when the moon is out
don't take a torch with you
if you take a torch with you
the moon will be heartbroken

when the vegetables are in flower
don't take a basket with you
if you shoulder a basket to cut vegetables
the vegetable flowers will be heartbroken

if you are pledged to a girl who loves you
don't fancy another
if you fancy another
the girl will be heartbroken

You said you can remember one song that you have heard many times in your childhood. You liked the voice of the singer and only now that you recalled it again because to you it gives similar feeling like this mountain people’s song. It says;

Don’t you remember this someone?
Once you said you love her with all your heart
As if your soul were bounded to be her slave of love
Full moon night, beautiful river shore
With whom you are clinging to tonight?
Remember once you adored my beauty
Whispering sweet words out of your lips
Don’t you remember?
You said the eyes are shimmering as starlight
You admired the purely white girl skin
You adored the scent of the soft cheeks
You desired the warmth when we hold us tight
Don’t you remember at all?

You said such songs are so simple but nevertheless full of sensation. They tell the feeling of people in the plain and simple way. Songs in the old days are usually focused on the delicate feelings and that the melodies are to be expressed naturally by the singer’s emotions, purely and so melancholy.

It’s depressing. Let’s talk about something more cheerful.

You nodded.

about love

In the darkness of the night, in front of a huge bonfire.

Man shout explodes, emotionally, violently, drained, longed, confused.

The loud shrills calling out, demand a challenge, dare the one that hold the might and the greatest power. Dare to the one who enforced the essential substances of love into every soul of human being.

Why love is everywhere? Why is love all around, in every thought, in every reason, in every destination? See that scattering pieces of love spread on that green grass lawn? There is love that is abandoned. There is love that is fulfilled. There is love that is overlooked. There is love that brings pain and tear. There are people asking about love. There are the ones who loved. There are people that we love unconditionally. There are people who deeply absorbed to love. There are ones who don’t care what love is! There are ones who know how to love and those ones who don’t. There is endless love. There is unfinished love. There is love that creates hate. There is love that set free. There is love that burn. There is love that brings jealousy. There is love that heals. There is naive and thoughtless love. There is passionate love. There are people who never have enough with love. There is unambitious love. There is love to give away. There is love to be received back. There is love from sharing sympathy. There is family love. There is love with tender. There are people who lost own loves. There are ones who love just the others but never love them self. There is love with good wills. There is love with foolish wills. There is faked love with suspicious wills.

And hence, behind the fire, appears the one who is referred to. The immense eye pair, might and magical, glowing in red and float silently in the middle of the gloomy darkness, though doesn’t show any response.

A man screams aggressively. Dare you now! Make it happen! Make it real the love that is said to be so great. Bring the fire of lust that will burn down the flesh of heart to ash. Create the great desire that will causes great happiness and cruel sadness. Create the inspiration that leads to the destructive power and the great creativity strengths. If exists, show me now! Declare a challenge! Dare calling for it! If still hiding then comes out and reveal yourself!

The gigantic eye pair seems to shine with flames of anger, but then dissolve into the darkness and disappear, vanished quietly behind the fire by the end of the man’s wishes.

Huge bonfire is still burning before sight. Golden flames dance furiously in front of the man’s face. Though the man continues. Words still keep spoken out loud, angrily, endlessly, crazily, uncontrollably.

haiku

one night on the train
rush silently through the dark
moonlight lits the sky

time, the bus, an old man

I was sitting in a bus. The bus was about to leave as scheduled. Everybody knows that the buses in this town are very strictly on time.

I didn’t check the time but I thought it was the departure time because the bus driver started the engine and released the hand brake. He was preparing to depart.

Ahead on the footpath, there was an old man. He was well dressed with a brown hat that matches with his brown suit. He tried to walk quickly toward the bus and made a signal to tell the bus driver to wait for him. Obviously the old man wanted to get on the bus. He was trying to reach the bus as quick as possible, please wait for me, I can’t walk any faster.

The bus driver waited until the old man get on the bus.

You should come few minutes before the departure time!

The old man nodded** and sat on a seat next to the door.

The bus traveled for a while. It passed a few bus stops now. In the moment the bus was halted at the traffic light. The old man went to the bus driver and asked.

What time is it?

Three to eleven.

Thank you.

And the old man went back to his seat, adjusted the time on his watch.

The bus traveled for another ten minutes. It’s now crowded by the amount of passengers.

At one bus stop, the bus halted to pick up passengers. There were some passengers getting in. The door was about to close and the bus started to move when a woman shouted loudly and pressed the stop signal furiously. She told the bus driver to open the door.

The bus stopped and the door was opened. That woman went down to call a man. I thought they were friends. She called him for a while. Finally the man got into the bus. His face looked annoyed and displeased. Then he said to the bus driver.

Why didn’t you open the door for me? Why didn’t you wait for me to get in? I was about to get on the bus. I come together with my friend can’t you see!

The bus driver turned on the microphone and said.

I saw you walked away from the bus. I didn’t think that you want to get on the bus.

Walked away?!

I must be fast. I have to keep my time up to the schedule.

Where the hell you want to rush to?

The bus driver looked at the man from the mirror, murmured something, laughed and then continued his driving.

So the bus resumed it's path. I didn’t know if the bus driver can keep his schedule eventually.

In the downtown, small street, traffic jam.

I thought he cannot keep his time schedule.

.....................................................


(** I was thinking, maybe the old man is a calm person. Maybe his age and his life-through experiences gave him comprehension. Just like when we saw a kid crying madly for toys. Although we knew that the kid was suffering but we also understood and knew what we should do, else we have to buy the toys every time the kid cries. Perhaps the old man did understand the bus driver’s temper and had forgive him for the rude reactions, otherwise there could have been an argument. Although it was clear that the old man was guilty by his own delay. Therefore the old man’s silence was probably the best compromise. Or, perhaps the old man is too weak to make any arguments or to argue back with temper. Or, perhaps the old man was also a bus driver once. Or, perhaps he is simply a normal, an ordinary old man.)

seasons change

If the seasons are to be compared to beautiful women
as for the final days in autumn that are marvelously colorful
are to be compared to gorgeous pretty girls
As though the song of a neat cello music
is to be compared to the sweetest voice of the nature spirit
like the overwhelmed sensation from the wonderful music melody
when all the cello strings being played by the skillful cellist

Listen carefully with an open mind
to the whispering sound of autumn
As if the sound actually comes from nowhere
but from every sources of charming beauty season

When the rhythm of the song is rushing
like the blasting wind in the beginning of the winter
It’s time that the colorful leafs are waving
and enjoying the wind
With sensation, with emotion
excited by the hot magical wind of love

When the colorful leafs finally carried away with the wind
as an innocent heart that catch the breath of the first love
Colorful leafs flutter in the pleasant air only for a while
and finally fall down to the ground
Thousands and thousands of leafs
although fall down to the ground eventually
but still they put their last color to the earth
and become the picturesque instant that is hard to forget
Just like the memory of the first love
that never dismiss from the solitary mind

And when the song fades away
it is time for the last leaf to reach the ground peacefully
awaiting for the cold winter to come
and put above it the white snowflakes
to cover the gone by seasons that passed forever
Like the phases of life that will not return
and in the end…
only the hope that survive
awaiting for the next autumn to come
Over and over again

experiment writing

coffee shop, a book, a cup of coffee
45 minutes, empty cup, bill
door, blue sky, footpath
street, summer breeze, cars
traffic lights, zebra crossing, another side of the street
music shop, headphone, new CDs
cashier, bank notes, coins
bus stop, traffic jam, bus
coins, bus ticket, 30 minutes
bus stop, park, cozy afternoon
cyclist, skater, joggers
small path, stairs, green wooden bench
a book, CD player, headphone
new CD, 15 minutes, old CD
a book, old CD, several hours
evening, sunset, golden sky
small path, bus stop, street lamps
bank note, bus ticket, coins
bus stop, city center, coffee shop

duality

She told him to bake cookies. He helped her baking cookies for several times already so doing this alone should not be difficult. He wanted to try it once as well. He thought it could be fun. He took all the equipments and ingredients for baking cookie out from the cupboard in the kitchen and put them on a desk in another room. He started to read the recipe that explains the required items and amount to be used. Then he started to mix all the compositions without much confidence. She passed by occasionally and gave him some advices. When it was time to mix the flour she then joined him at the table and mix the flour for him.

He looked at her while she work on the flour, looked at her working hands carrying the measure cup and holding mixing spoon. He looked at her sitting pose and her movement while she was working just like that. Within that moment he suddenly entered the memories of his childhood incidentally. They were all flashed back so fast to his head and he can see them so clear. Inside the old wooden house he went up to the second floor and received some candies from his grandma every morning before going to school. Sticky but delicious candies were taken out from a big tin box with colorful paper label. Big tin box means lots of candies were purchased each time. He could not remember what he said after he got those candies every morning. He could not remember whether he was happy when those candies were given to him. At that age he barely knew the concept of buying and selling things but he knew that every morning he will get the candies eventually. How many candies a day, was that the same amount of candies everyday he couldn’t remember as well. Beside the candies story he also recalled another memories such like when his grandma was sitting clumsily on a wooden stool, searching for her stuffs-- or when she was sitting on a well-polished, clean wooden floor and repairing cloths with needle and several color threads-- or when she went to take care of his younger sister-- or when she worked in the kitchen, preparing supper-- or recently when he went to give her a hug and sobbed at her lap like a child before he left her for a long journey. With this last memory he sensed the warmth, her love for him, her scent, her sadness, her happiness, her fear, her gently touch, her concern about his journey, her greatness strength, her long life experience, all while he rested on her lap for long like an eternity.


Smooth and youthful skin like those of the young women. The steady movement that shows no sign of weakness. The graceful acts while working together with the clear sweet voice that kept explaining things with excitement as if to express the funny side of life. Black shining hair. Sharp, clear vivid eyes.

Wrinkled face and rough skin due to old age. Flimsy movement that cannot be compared to those of teenage girl. The slow and shaking movement with the exhausting breathes that sound tiresome as if to express every fatigued minutes of life. White dull hair. Half-closed dim eyes.

in my mind

sitting
watching large corn field
sunset
nobody around
only two dogs chasing crows
and lots of corns
darkness falls
music in my head
you in my mind

journey

You look around. There is no one else but you. This place is obviously a wasteland. You have come so far, alone, this far, yet still more to go. It makes no difference how long the path in the future is. From now on it’s your journey and you alone. There is no one around to take care of and taking care of you.

You look at yourself, considered healthy and with such a clear mind. You know this is right what you are doing right now. You make questions to yourself and all answers are satisfied. You make a quick check up and nothing seems to hold you from continuing this journey.

You look at your past. You don’t regret this decision. Nothing to regret since the beginning until now. Not that you can turn back time to make things better, anyway.

You look ahead. There is nothing you can see except the endless desert. You aren’t really sure where to go but you know you have to keep going. The place looks full with challenges and adventures. You still have power to go.

..and you keep walking.

decision's tree

I am in my thought process. And in the thoughts time doesn’t exist. The nonexistence of the time seems endless.

The choices are simple; it's either to say it or not to say it. The consequences are clear; happy or regret. Forget those damn logical reasons and just say it. People do stupid things and so could I.

The warm sunlight and the noise from people around remind me and pull me back from my unconscious state of mind. The tree that I rest my back on slightly shakes with the wind and its branches swing lively. The ground in front of me is so warm that I can feel its warmness touching my eyes from far distance.

I could be happier if I don’t have such problem in my mind. I sit here for a long time, try to solve it, but until now I still have the same sense of terribleness.

I’d better get going. Perhaps things will be better just by itself. I should say what I supposed to say and that should be all. The only problem is the answer that I will get in return.

And at the end of the eternity, decision has been made.

And so be it.

Ivo

Who is me?
Me is Ivo.

Who is Ivo?
Ivo is a boy, a poor boy.

What does Ivo mean?
Ivo doesn’t know but what the heck!

Where is Ivo?
Ivo is standing in front of a hotdog shop.

Where exactly is Ivo at the hotdog shop?
Ivo is waiting at the service counter, on the footpath, in front of the hotdog shop.

What is Ivo waiting for?
Ivo is waiting for... ah! he comes!

Who is coming?
The waiter is coming.

What will the waiter do?
He will ask Ivo what Ivo wish to have from his hotdog shop.

And what will Ivo reply to that question?
I want a German sausage with everything and fried chicken, to take home

- snip -
“Can I help you, young boy?”
“I want a German sausage with everything and fried chicken, to take home”
“A German sausage?”
“Yes”
“With everything?”
“Everything”
“Something else?”
“Fried chicken”
“For here?”
“To take home”
“OK, a German sausage with everything and fried chicken, to take home. Ready in seconds young boy!”
- snip -

The little match and the sunflower

The little match falls in love with the sunflower.
The sunflower, whose every morning slowly blooms,
and under the sunlight it shines,
truly lovely beyond words can say.
The beautiful sunflower, however,
never looked at the little match.
Not even for a tiny glance at its way.
The poor little match keeps its love just alone,
more and more it loves the sunflower,
for every single day.

Since the sunflower turns and looks only to the sun.
The little match made up its mind,
lights up itself and sets itself to fire.
Wishes to make a tiny golden light,
without fear to die.

The little match made up its mind,
lights up itself and brightens itself with its little fire.
Wishes the sunflower might look at its way,
once for a short single while.

The little match brightly shines with its enlightened mind,
but only for a short while.
The amber sunflower then turns to look at...
… and found no one but only match's ashes…
that left behind after the fire.
The lonely little match has had so much love in its mind.
Only she turned to see,
only she gave a tiny look with her sight…
was already greater than its desire.

Since the flower turns and looks only to the sun.
The little match made up its mind,
Lights up itself and sets itself to fire.
Wishes to make a tiny golden light,
without a fear to die.

The little match made up its mind,
Lights up itself and for love it sacrifices.
Just wishes the sunflower might look at its way,
just once…
for a short precious single while.

.........
Inspired by the original Thai music "Mai Keed Fai kub Dok Taan Tawaan (The match and the sunflower)" by Wiyada Komalakul

Firework festival

It is an hour before midnight. I sit on a nice grass lawn near the river shore and watch the fireworks from the year festival that held in a park just on the other side across this big river. The weather tonight is cozy warm and the breeze from the river gives me a pleasant feeling. Lots of fireworks were launched to the night sky continuously. People who come for the festival watch this show with great excitement.

The colorful, dazzling fireworks brighten up the night sky. Everyone is happy and enjoy the year festival. In the river, huge riverboats drift gently along with the tide. They are decorated by thousand of small light bulbs that shine and glow the river’s surface as if to set the dark river on fire. However, I still feel the lovely peace of the night. When neglect all the bothering occurrences and flashy artificial lights then what left around is the pure nature surrounding, the comfort of the lively summer wind that moves around, reflectance of starlight that lit thousands of river’s ripples shimmering. The sound of river surfs and its harsh current give the feeling of the immeasurable massive amount of water flows that passes by with time… just like the happiness that goes by unstoppably with the unanimously rhythm of the swift-flowing river stream.

I extremely enjoy the atmosphere. The coziness seems to infiltrate and fills every single part of me. It is hard to tell the difference between the surrounding air and the body that is now so light and become part of this sweet summer air. I lie down and rest on the soft grass lawn. On my back I can feel the moist dew drops and the warmth from the earth. I breathe in the subtle fragrance of the fresh grass in the midst of the river’s breeze. Eyes closed.

Beerhouse

This beerhouse is one of the most famous beerhouse in the city. Lots of customers keep coming inside and the place is so crowded just like it used to be on another Friday evenings. My friends are shouting over to the other friend, trying to communicate with each other without much success because of the loud music from several huge speakers that fill the place with their noisy sound everywhere.

A dozen of people try to dance to the music. I’m not sure if they are doing that because they enjoy the music or because they are drunk and have already lost their behavior’s control, or, more likely, because of that two sexy girls who dance in the middle of the dance floor.

And just like the loud music, thick smoke from cigarette fills every empty space in the place. My jacket will surely get this ugly smell unavoidably and I will have to wash it again although I just washed it few days ago. I’m quite sure that tonight I’m going to have a bad sleep. Although I will take a shower but this smoke that I keep breathing in for hours would definitely left some chemical stuff inside my lungs that will make me feel tired. When I think about it, this beerhouse is actually nothing but a small, uncomfortable box that fully holds loud music and cigarette’s smoke. And the light is so dim and enables people to see things just poorly.

Alcohol from four glasses of beer takes effect on me--I’m getting drunk. I think; was that the fourth glass of beer or the fifth one? What the heck! Why do people smoke cigarette in here? Isn’t smoking forbidden?!? Gosh, someone turn off this stupid music, please! And at the same time my friends are still talking, or shouting actually. I’m not sure what are they talking about. Not even know with whom they are talking to.

Friend’s words scattering, filling the air in front of me. I'm not listening to them anymore and my thought is at somewhere else. I think about the glass-clear sea water, bright blue sky, beautiful sunlight that is so warm and cozy in the late summer afternoon. I think about the gentle sea breeze that is so clean and refreshing... and the rhythmic sound of waves hitting seashore seems to come out of nowhere.

a talk

She says that she is completely fed up with love. It always ended with sadness and pain every time she loves someone.

You say that she is unbelievably unlucky.

She says that she started to get used to this pain and also started to like such sadness. She says, sometime it is also nice to feel the pain once in a while.

You tell her that this idea is crazy. You say it is not nice to be sad.

No, everyone have their own moment of sadness. She is sad and she knows that even you also suffer the sadness. She knows that you are sad because she noticed you when you gaze aimlessly out of the windows, or when you write your text at the table alone in the night, or when you walk silently around the lake with her. Within those silent moments she can feel the sadness that is hidden deep in your mind.

You say that this is unfair, spying people’s privacy without their acknowledgement.

She says that in the past she enjoyed noticing people around her. She has good eyes that can see clearly the emotions of people and many times she thought that she could read person’s minds. But now she is not interested to do that anymore. She is tired of guessing and understanding people’s mind. Human thought and mind are too complex, filled with too much confusion, filled with uncertainty and troubles.

You say that this is just ordinary for human being and the world to be. They are always doubtfully unreliable. Sometime you also wanted to escape to anywhere far away from everyone.

She says that she hate this world. She hate this human society that she has been forced to live with. The society that is full of obnoxious matters and greedy people. The social where people threats themselves and the others without gentle soul. But during these days she survives from those evilness because of her own dreams. She cages herself within her own thoughts. She separates the cruel reality by the boundary of her own beautiful imagination. It is really simple; there are just the reality of the world and her being. And within her very being there are confusing, made-up illusions. And never once she could find any single piece of pleasing truth. There exists just the temporary happiness from the faked deceiving dreams.

You say that she is such a daydreaming type of person.

She asks you about your dream, about what you have been dreaming for.

You say you are dreaming of good things. You are dreaming that everyone you know become endlessly happy.

She says that such a dream is too good for you. She does not believe that a person like you can be so generous.

You say that you are dreaming of yourself alone being so happy and greater than anyone else.

That is it! She knows that you are such a terribly selfish person.

You tell her that it is normal that everyone is selfish.

She says that she likes to dream about being loved, about a nice and delightful future.

You say that love is necessary. But love is not a thing that can be easily designed or planned just like a nice and delightful future.

That is right. That is why it is better for her to get prepared for the future without love.

You say that she is being too pessimistic.

She says that she is being truthful. She just tries to percept and accept the world as it is to be.

That night

The Present, A Journey

I’m sitting in a passenger train, travel from somewhere far away. It seems like a very long time before I will reach my destination. I still have a lot of time on this journey.

The sky outside is getting darker. I know that the air outside is extreme cold. Even though the rain hasn’t come yet but the wet, humid cold air is floating outside away. The glass window of the train has thousand of water drops, which are touching with the shimmering light from the small lamps on the roof. Water drops that run when the train moves with great velocity and wind blows so that they met with other drops and become bigger and run faster until they left the glass window at last. I was enjoyed looking at them.

I’m sitting in a relaxing pose. The passenger’s chair is quite large and comfortable. In my hand there is a book that I left it open. Although not intend to read it anymore. The twilight ambient is still passing ceaselessly while the train keeps it way forward. I look out of the window with an absent mind, freeing my blank mind and let it fly away slowly.

I know that this train will take me to my desired place and I know that it is still far away before I have to get out of the train. I’m quite familiar with this kind of journey because I have been doing a lot of journeys since many years ago. The sound of the train’s wheels hammering with the rails sounds like a repeated music rhythm that calm and comfort my mind from my own private quietness. Another hundreds passengers are traveling on the same train but in my feeling I’m traveling alone on my way.

What I usually do when I’m on a long journey with the train is, however, to do nothing at all.

While I’m freeing my brain to think about nothing, as usual during every journey, there was one memory raised in my mind. It happened in the night like this. Story that happen to me in the old day and recalls a little smile on my face every time I think about it. The impression when you have first met someone you never seen in your life but that first met affected your memory surprisingly. The sight that you have seen for just few seconds, but remembered in your mind ever. Someone you can’t help thinking how special is to your life.

………………………..

The Past, A Journey

I was traveling alone by an air-conditioned city bus. The outside city atmosphere was so dark. It was raining and cold but yet still full with colors and the chaotic of the big city. These depressed ambient passing endlessly while the bus was rushing to its destination. The big glass window separates me from the annoying noises and cold rain. On the bus were another passengers traveling but in my feeling I was traveling alone on my way. The bus air-conditioning system was working too well and that I felt sick of the coldness. I can’t say whether the coldness was from the surrounding air or from the emptiness of my heart.

I was on the way back to my home.

The rain still showering outside, lightly falls down like strings of million fibers that combined into a big curtain and waving smoothly in the darkness when the wind blows. Rain drops pulsating the bus rhythmically. The more I feel these, the more I feel the coldness from my inside. People outside were hiding under the roof of shops that are decorated with big colorful advertisement board that shining with a lot of colorful light tubes. Many were soaking, shaking with cold. Everyone seems to merge into the darkness of the big city, under the disrepair ancient concrete wild. The cold evening rain brought such a desperate feeling to every soul.

The bus just pass the stoplight, which kept it halted for nearly half hour, now crossing a small old bridge that spans across a small river. I feel more comfortable since the way to my home was nearer. The bus was about to stop at the station near the bridge because there was someone waiting for the bus there alone in the dim light. The rain was still falling down gently.

I didn’t know how time passed, or how the bus arrived that station. But I become aware of myself again when I met the eyes of the person who was waiting for the bus at that station.

I was sitting on the bus, gazing inattentive out of the window.
She was standing there at the bus station, looks straight in to my eyes, smiling.

I don’t know why I still can remember this. The person I have seen is a young lady that was looking and smiling to me. The eyes that was full with dreams, although calm and peaceful. I feel what ever that were waiting and rested silently in my heart, were overwhelmed by that sight.

The bus took its leave and I was left stunted. The young lady was not get on the bus, neither I get out. She was still there at the station that now left behind.

Two days later I was still thinking about that night. I though, it would be great if I have a chance to talk with her. But how many times do you think you can have a chance to meet such particularly stranger again? In this big city! I did not understand why I was not get out of the bus and run back to find her that night. I was thinking about what could I do if I see her again. What it could be if later I get to know her. What if… What if… What if…

………………………..



The Next Meeting

Amazingly, I met her again few days later. I was hoping for this to happen but never thought it would become true. I met her in front of the small computer shop and recognize her at once. Miraculously she seems to recognize me as well. Her sight recalls me the event from that night. Now that I know where she is, now that she is there in front of me with her smile and peaceful eyes. I gave her back a smile, and we both smile.

………………………..

Present

The sound of the train brake is screaming shrilly, like it want to wakes me up from my own private solitude.

I make a move so now I’m sitting more relaxing. The passenger’s chair is quite comfortable even it is already some hours of sitting here. I close the book that I left it open and then put it into my backpack. The night ambient is still passing ceaselessly while the train keeps it way forward. I look out of the window with an absent mind, freeing my empty mind and see it fly away slowly. Another hundreds passengers are traveling on the same train but they have their own different destinations. And I’m still traveling alone on my own destiny.

What I have learnt from the bus journey in that night is that how a person can make such a beautiful and special night to me. I think I’d never be able to forget it. The night that was inspired by someone I still never know until now. The stranger that left a small piece of good memory to me. Now I know what shall I do if I have a chance to meet her again. I guess I have one word to say, with my eyes looking in to her and a smile.

Thank you.

1st

Sit on the bus full with stranger who never look into each other’s eyes. Say “never mind” to the person who made wrong phone call to your number. Have the clear plan what to do in the coming week and already get bored just to think about doing them. Buy newspaper just for one time reading and actually read just a half of it. Buy several interesting books and put them on the shelf just to discover other books left unread there. Look at the night sky and being puzzled if all the stars already have their names given. Walking on the same path every morning to work and return on the same path back home for years. Travel in trains for ten hours to be at some place for some hours. Fly jumbo jet eleven hours long to reach home. Visit new places once in a while and can’t help thinking of other places that still left unexplored. Make friend and have fun with different people that you know you will never forget them but never know when you will meet them again. Being in love with someone you never know if she ever loved you, ever. Ask yourself questions that are impossible to give answer. Skip doing something because you think it is too easy to do. Say to yourself that you will work hard in the next time but every time end up with the same laziness. Enjoy the view out of the same windows that you keep looking out for hours. Enjoy the feeling in the rain with the rain drops on your shoulders and the sound and the smell of the wet earth. Lying on the top of the snow mountain and enjoy the view of white snowy scene and deep-blue sky. Dive under the glass-clear sea and feed big group of clownfish with squeezed banana’s shell. Ride a bike downhill and feel the speed without wearing the safety helmet.

Think about the unforgettable pasts and haunted by the unforgettable dream and the unreal illusions. Feel how empty it is after you say “I love you” to someone. Stare at the blank paper unable to start your writing. Cannot stop painting an artwork and forget the time and the world around you. Work days and nights without rest and then sleep as dead the later days. Stay twenty minutes under the warm shower and think about everything. Look at the bird flying and try to think of own reason why it could do so. Talk to old people and imagine them at your age. Drive fast on the highway and take risk in the curve without fear to die. Cook foods that don't exist in any cookbooks. Wait for a friend that never shows up for the appointment. Don’t know what to buy as a present for your mother’s birthday. Receive the change from supermarket’s cashier without checking or counting the money in your hand. Dive to the bottom of the swimming pool and shout something stupid out loud. Smile to a kid that gives you back a crying face in return. Unable to control the anger that is about to burn down your nerves. Think about something to say to someone but finally never say to them. Think about the artificial intelligence that is no match for natural stupidity. Cook possibly the thousandth chicken’s egg you ever cooked in your life. Walk the possibly millionth step you ever made during your entire life. Look at the possibly hundred thousandth stranger who might see you before but you not. Look at your childhood pictures that you have no actual memory about them.