Firework festival

It is an hour before midnight. I sit on a nice grass lawn near the river shore and watch the fireworks from the year festival that held in a park just on the other side across this big river. The weather tonight is cozy warm and the breeze from the river gives me a pleasant feeling. Lots of fireworks were launched to the night sky continuously. People who come for the festival watch this show with great excitement.

The colorful, dazzling fireworks brighten up the night sky. Everyone is happy and enjoy the year festival. In the river, huge riverboats drift gently along with the tide. They are decorated by thousand of small light bulbs that shine and glow the river’s surface as if to set the dark river on fire. However, I still feel the lovely peace of the night. When neglect all the bothering occurrences and flashy artificial lights then what left around is the pure nature surrounding, the comfort of the lively summer wind that moves around, reflectance of starlight that lit thousands of river’s ripples shimmering. The sound of river surfs and its harsh current give the feeling of the immeasurable massive amount of water flows that passes by with time… just like the happiness that goes by unstoppably with the unanimously rhythm of the swift-flowing river stream.

I extremely enjoy the atmosphere. The coziness seems to infiltrate and fills every single part of me. It is hard to tell the difference between the surrounding air and the body that is now so light and become part of this sweet summer air. I lie down and rest on the soft grass lawn. On my back I can feel the moist dew drops and the warmth from the earth. I breathe in the subtle fragrance of the fresh grass in the midst of the river’s breeze. Eyes closed.

Beerhouse

This beerhouse is one of the most famous beerhouse in the city. Lots of customers keep coming inside and the place is so crowded just like it used to be on another Friday evenings. My friends are shouting over to the other friend, trying to communicate with each other without much success because of the loud music from several huge speakers that fill the place with their noisy sound everywhere.

A dozen of people try to dance to the music. I’m not sure if they are doing that because they enjoy the music or because they are drunk and have already lost their behavior’s control, or, more likely, because of that two sexy girls who dance in the middle of the dance floor.

And just like the loud music, thick smoke from cigarette fills every empty space in the place. My jacket will surely get this ugly smell unavoidably and I will have to wash it again although I just washed it few days ago. I’m quite sure that tonight I’m going to have a bad sleep. Although I will take a shower but this smoke that I keep breathing in for hours would definitely left some chemical stuff inside my lungs that will make me feel tired. When I think about it, this beerhouse is actually nothing but a small, uncomfortable box that fully holds loud music and cigarette’s smoke. And the light is so dim and enables people to see things just poorly.

Alcohol from four glasses of beer takes effect on me--I’m getting drunk. I think; was that the fourth glass of beer or the fifth one? What the heck! Why do people smoke cigarette in here? Isn’t smoking forbidden?!? Gosh, someone turn off this stupid music, please! And at the same time my friends are still talking, or shouting actually. I’m not sure what are they talking about. Not even know with whom they are talking to.

Friend’s words scattering, filling the air in front of me. I'm not listening to them anymore and my thought is at somewhere else. I think about the glass-clear sea water, bright blue sky, beautiful sunlight that is so warm and cozy in the late summer afternoon. I think about the gentle sea breeze that is so clean and refreshing... and the rhythmic sound of waves hitting seashore seems to come out of nowhere.

a talk

She says that she is completely fed up with love. It always ended with sadness and pain every time she loves someone.

You say that she is unbelievably unlucky.

She says that she started to get used to this pain and also started to like such sadness. She says, sometime it is also nice to feel the pain once in a while.

You tell her that this idea is crazy. You say it is not nice to be sad.

No, everyone have their own moment of sadness. She is sad and she knows that even you also suffer the sadness. She knows that you are sad because she noticed you when you gaze aimlessly out of the windows, or when you write your text at the table alone in the night, or when you walk silently around the lake with her. Within those silent moments she can feel the sadness that is hidden deep in your mind.

You say that this is unfair, spying people’s privacy without their acknowledgement.

She says that in the past she enjoyed noticing people around her. She has good eyes that can see clearly the emotions of people and many times she thought that she could read person’s minds. But now she is not interested to do that anymore. She is tired of guessing and understanding people’s mind. Human thought and mind are too complex, filled with too much confusion, filled with uncertainty and troubles.

You say that this is just ordinary for human being and the world to be. They are always doubtfully unreliable. Sometime you also wanted to escape to anywhere far away from everyone.

She says that she hate this world. She hate this human society that she has been forced to live with. The society that is full of obnoxious matters and greedy people. The social where people threats themselves and the others without gentle soul. But during these days she survives from those evilness because of her own dreams. She cages herself within her own thoughts. She separates the cruel reality by the boundary of her own beautiful imagination. It is really simple; there are just the reality of the world and her being. And within her very being there are confusing, made-up illusions. And never once she could find any single piece of pleasing truth. There exists just the temporary happiness from the faked deceiving dreams.

You say that she is such a daydreaming type of person.

She asks you about your dream, about what you have been dreaming for.

You say you are dreaming of good things. You are dreaming that everyone you know become endlessly happy.

She says that such a dream is too good for you. She does not believe that a person like you can be so generous.

You say that you are dreaming of yourself alone being so happy and greater than anyone else.

That is it! She knows that you are such a terribly selfish person.

You tell her that it is normal that everyone is selfish.

She says that she likes to dream about being loved, about a nice and delightful future.

You say that love is necessary. But love is not a thing that can be easily designed or planned just like a nice and delightful future.

That is right. That is why it is better for her to get prepared for the future without love.

You say that she is being too pessimistic.

She says that she is being truthful. She just tries to percept and accept the world as it is to be.

That night

The Present, A Journey

I’m sitting in a passenger train, travel from somewhere far away. It seems like a very long time before I will reach my destination. I still have a lot of time on this journey.

The sky outside is getting darker. I know that the air outside is extreme cold. Even though the rain hasn’t come yet but the wet, humid cold air is floating outside away. The glass window of the train has thousand of water drops, which are touching with the shimmering light from the small lamps on the roof. Water drops that run when the train moves with great velocity and wind blows so that they met with other drops and become bigger and run faster until they left the glass window at last. I was enjoyed looking at them.

I’m sitting in a relaxing pose. The passenger’s chair is quite large and comfortable. In my hand there is a book that I left it open. Although not intend to read it anymore. The twilight ambient is still passing ceaselessly while the train keeps it way forward. I look out of the window with an absent mind, freeing my blank mind and let it fly away slowly.

I know that this train will take me to my desired place and I know that it is still far away before I have to get out of the train. I’m quite familiar with this kind of journey because I have been doing a lot of journeys since many years ago. The sound of the train’s wheels hammering with the rails sounds like a repeated music rhythm that calm and comfort my mind from my own private quietness. Another hundreds passengers are traveling on the same train but in my feeling I’m traveling alone on my way.

What I usually do when I’m on a long journey with the train is, however, to do nothing at all.

While I’m freeing my brain to think about nothing, as usual during every journey, there was one memory raised in my mind. It happened in the night like this. Story that happen to me in the old day and recalls a little smile on my face every time I think about it. The impression when you have first met someone you never seen in your life but that first met affected your memory surprisingly. The sight that you have seen for just few seconds, but remembered in your mind ever. Someone you can’t help thinking how special is to your life.

………………………..

The Past, A Journey

I was traveling alone by an air-conditioned city bus. The outside city atmosphere was so dark. It was raining and cold but yet still full with colors and the chaotic of the big city. These depressed ambient passing endlessly while the bus was rushing to its destination. The big glass window separates me from the annoying noises and cold rain. On the bus were another passengers traveling but in my feeling I was traveling alone on my way. The bus air-conditioning system was working too well and that I felt sick of the coldness. I can’t say whether the coldness was from the surrounding air or from the emptiness of my heart.

I was on the way back to my home.

The rain still showering outside, lightly falls down like strings of million fibers that combined into a big curtain and waving smoothly in the darkness when the wind blows. Rain drops pulsating the bus rhythmically. The more I feel these, the more I feel the coldness from my inside. People outside were hiding under the roof of shops that are decorated with big colorful advertisement board that shining with a lot of colorful light tubes. Many were soaking, shaking with cold. Everyone seems to merge into the darkness of the big city, under the disrepair ancient concrete wild. The cold evening rain brought such a desperate feeling to every soul.

The bus just pass the stoplight, which kept it halted for nearly half hour, now crossing a small old bridge that spans across a small river. I feel more comfortable since the way to my home was nearer. The bus was about to stop at the station near the bridge because there was someone waiting for the bus there alone in the dim light. The rain was still falling down gently.

I didn’t know how time passed, or how the bus arrived that station. But I become aware of myself again when I met the eyes of the person who was waiting for the bus at that station.

I was sitting on the bus, gazing inattentive out of the window.
She was standing there at the bus station, looks straight in to my eyes, smiling.

I don’t know why I still can remember this. The person I have seen is a young lady that was looking and smiling to me. The eyes that was full with dreams, although calm and peaceful. I feel what ever that were waiting and rested silently in my heart, were overwhelmed by that sight.

The bus took its leave and I was left stunted. The young lady was not get on the bus, neither I get out. She was still there at the station that now left behind.

Two days later I was still thinking about that night. I though, it would be great if I have a chance to talk with her. But how many times do you think you can have a chance to meet such particularly stranger again? In this big city! I did not understand why I was not get out of the bus and run back to find her that night. I was thinking about what could I do if I see her again. What it could be if later I get to know her. What if… What if… What if…

………………………..



The Next Meeting

Amazingly, I met her again few days later. I was hoping for this to happen but never thought it would become true. I met her in front of the small computer shop and recognize her at once. Miraculously she seems to recognize me as well. Her sight recalls me the event from that night. Now that I know where she is, now that she is there in front of me with her smile and peaceful eyes. I gave her back a smile, and we both smile.

………………………..

Present

The sound of the train brake is screaming shrilly, like it want to wakes me up from my own private solitude.

I make a move so now I’m sitting more relaxing. The passenger’s chair is quite comfortable even it is already some hours of sitting here. I close the book that I left it open and then put it into my backpack. The night ambient is still passing ceaselessly while the train keeps it way forward. I look out of the window with an absent mind, freeing my empty mind and see it fly away slowly. Another hundreds passengers are traveling on the same train but they have their own different destinations. And I’m still traveling alone on my own destiny.

What I have learnt from the bus journey in that night is that how a person can make such a beautiful and special night to me. I think I’d never be able to forget it. The night that was inspired by someone I still never know until now. The stranger that left a small piece of good memory to me. Now I know what shall I do if I have a chance to meet her again. I guess I have one word to say, with my eyes looking in to her and a smile.

Thank you.

1st

Sit on the bus full with stranger who never look into each other’s eyes. Say “never mind” to the person who made wrong phone call to your number. Have the clear plan what to do in the coming week and already get bored just to think about doing them. Buy newspaper just for one time reading and actually read just a half of it. Buy several interesting books and put them on the shelf just to discover other books left unread there. Look at the night sky and being puzzled if all the stars already have their names given. Walking on the same path every morning to work and return on the same path back home for years. Travel in trains for ten hours to be at some place for some hours. Fly jumbo jet eleven hours long to reach home. Visit new places once in a while and can’t help thinking of other places that still left unexplored. Make friend and have fun with different people that you know you will never forget them but never know when you will meet them again. Being in love with someone you never know if she ever loved you, ever. Ask yourself questions that are impossible to give answer. Skip doing something because you think it is too easy to do. Say to yourself that you will work hard in the next time but every time end up with the same laziness. Enjoy the view out of the same windows that you keep looking out for hours. Enjoy the feeling in the rain with the rain drops on your shoulders and the sound and the smell of the wet earth. Lying on the top of the snow mountain and enjoy the view of white snowy scene and deep-blue sky. Dive under the glass-clear sea and feed big group of clownfish with squeezed banana’s shell. Ride a bike downhill and feel the speed without wearing the safety helmet.

Think about the unforgettable pasts and haunted by the unforgettable dream and the unreal illusions. Feel how empty it is after you say “I love you” to someone. Stare at the blank paper unable to start your writing. Cannot stop painting an artwork and forget the time and the world around you. Work days and nights without rest and then sleep as dead the later days. Stay twenty minutes under the warm shower and think about everything. Look at the bird flying and try to think of own reason why it could do so. Talk to old people and imagine them at your age. Drive fast on the highway and take risk in the curve without fear to die. Cook foods that don't exist in any cookbooks. Wait for a friend that never shows up for the appointment. Don’t know what to buy as a present for your mother’s birthday. Receive the change from supermarket’s cashier without checking or counting the money in your hand. Dive to the bottom of the swimming pool and shout something stupid out loud. Smile to a kid that gives you back a crying face in return. Unable to control the anger that is about to burn down your nerves. Think about something to say to someone but finally never say to them. Think about the artificial intelligence that is no match for natural stupidity. Cook possibly the thousandth chicken’s egg you ever cooked in your life. Walk the possibly millionth step you ever made during your entire life. Look at the possibly hundred thousandth stranger who might see you before but you not. Look at your childhood pictures that you have no actual memory about them.